Locking up is one of the most shameful things you can do in prison. Not only are you a coward, but you’re an idiot for getting yourself into a dilemma where your well-being is on the line. On the shame scale, it’s above getting turned out but below getting your ass kicked, which, as long you hit back, is not shameful at all.
Over time, however, wily prisoners have developed subtler ways to lock up while (debatably) saving face. Here are four bitch-made moves I’ve seen shot:
1. Deluge of Grievances: The chosen approach of the nerdy and limp-wristed. Basically, a prisoner writes a grievance any time a guard or counselor breaks policy (which is a daily occurrence), and buries the admin in a sea of paperwork until they get so sick of ’em they’re shipped out. Long term outlook required.
2. The Sucker Punch: Pretty self-explanatory. An inmate sneaks up on an unsuspecting prisoner, and decks him right in front of a guard. Automatic ride out, but you get to act tough.
3. The Hypochondriac: Covid provided the perfect cover for guys with unpayable bills. Just hyperventilate about a mild fever (despite a negative test), or high blood pressure, or any other treatable condition until they moved you to quarantine, and eventually, another compound. Frequently backfires.
4. The Jerkoff Artist: Truthfully, I’ve only seen this once, and it was a Dave Chapelle bit come to life. Dude got butt ass naked, started stroking himself in the lobby, and aimed his piece like a weapon. Once in the hole, he continued to jerkoff anytime a guard came near him or dropped off a tray, and only ceased once he got his wish for a transfer. Definitely drug-induced.
Easy Trouble 