I used to heed the advice of old-heads. After all they’d been down forever, they knew how to jail.
But that was when I was a fish, and needed some direction. Now I just wish they’d shut the fuck up. They get stuck in their ways, on how things used to be, or how other prisons operate. Bottom line, they think they’re always in the right.
Prison is not AA– you don’t get more cachet the longer you’ve been in the system (although you may think that). You might get some stab wounds, but you don’t get any chips.
At the same time, I empathize. After so many years down, something inside you breaks, or else you build up so many walls that no one can navigate to the real you. Sometimes, all those walls make you vicious.
There are things that are bearable for a year or two but break you after awhile. Logging in to your store account to see nothing but zeroes. Checking jpay to see a goose egg next to your inbox. Making calls that just ring and ring without anyone ever picking up.
Even worse, you can spend your whole day surrounded by people, constantly interacting, and yet feel completely alone. I’ve had only two moments of real solitude in 5 years: a 10 minute wait to see the nurse, and a 2 hour stint in the hole. It’s the uncanny feeling of loneliness in a crowd, and it never leaves you.
Easy Trouble 