You know me. My philosophy regarding doing time is to keep to myself, stay out of the drama, and ignore the delusional bullshit. Other people’s business is other people’s business. However, when 8 men are packed into a 192 square ft cube, you notice how the other 7 live. 6 years into my sentence, I can discern after a few days what type of person a man is.
There are over a dozen inmate archetypes: the Hustler, Predator, Preacher, Fitness Nut, Worker, Brewer, Fiend, Gambler, Racial Supremacist, Typewriter Guy, Couch Potato, Student, Sissy, and Lawyer.
There’s a lot of overlap between these roles, and someone can juggle multiple identities, just like someone is both a father and a son. In some cases, they are different degrees or gradations of the same phenomena. For example, the Preacher and Racial Supremacist are both religious in temperament.
The Hustler makes &sells fudge, candy, and transfers, sometimes even drugs, anything to make a dollar.
The Predator is pretty self- explanatory. He either wants to rob you or fuck you.
The Gamblers bets on everything, from cards to football and NASCAR to something more obscure, like “Survivor”. I admit–I’m one of them to a degree, but I stick with small stakes. No dice for me.
The rest are easy to understand. The Student attends college, and does homework in his downtime. The Worker works-in the kitchen, quartermaster, library, etc.
One of the most common, sadly, is the Dope Fiend. They’re ubiquitous. Being a fiend is more of a mentality than a behavior. Not all drug users are Fiends.
The Fiend will do or say anything to get a fix, promising to repay what they can’t afford. Their whole day, week, bit is oriented towards one goal: get high.
Despite the rigid structure of prison, they have no routine. They’re either in chase mode or high. Once their mission is accomplished, they lie around, idle.
The Fiend and Couch Potato are identical except for the drugs. They don’t do anything with their lives for years at a time except watch TV and walk. They don’t have a job, or if they do, perform the minimal amount of work to not get fired.
Daytime TV should lose its allure after awhile. It’s all trash, and all the ads are for dick pills, weight loss cures, hair implants, rehabs, and criminal defense/civil lawsuit lawyers. It’s like they know you’re a loser.
The Couch Potatoes don’t seem to mind, though. They know they’re losers.
There’s at least one Fiend or Couch Potato in every cube. I try to help them out. Once, I made a few pointed suggestions to such a cubie: “Skip, why don’t you work out or read? Get a hobby? A job? Don’t you get bored?”
(You need to do 3 out of those 4 to stay sane and balanced, and he was bugging.)
“Oh I’m good. I’m gonna start lifting next week, though.”
Next week came, and he made an appearance in the weight pit. Only one, though. After that, he pressed his rack for weeks, and complained, conjuring injuries as excuses.
(In case you were wondering, I’m a combination of Typewriter Guy,
Worker, Fitness Nut, and Gambler, depending on who you asked.)
Easy Trouble 