Sometimes, I get million dollar business ideas just from watching TV. (I can’t turn this brain off.)
The movie “No Hard Feelings” served as inspiration. The story revolves around a ne’er-do-well, 30 something Jennifer Lawrence, who is hired by an ultra wealthy couple to seduce their geeky, awkward son and take his virginity before he leaves for Harvard.
Well, I’m reworking the arrangement for when that kind of family has a child graduate from college.
The concept percolated and coalesced in my mind while I watched a new reality show called “Next Gen NYC” later that week. The show depicts the offspring of reality TV stars, celebs, and other trust fund babies living in New York City post- college. The promo ads make it seem like they’re “trying to make it in the Big Apple,” but they don’t “try” to do much–their parents pay for their $8000/ month apartments, even if they do have a job (which their parents invariably got them, directly or indirectly). They ooze uber privilege who never have to toil to get what they need.
One character, Charlie, calls himself a “crypto trader” but truthfully, he just plays around with bitcoin because of the generous allowance his incredibly wealthy father bequeaths him. He’s smug and condescending and needs his ass kicked (truthfully, every kid on that show does).
That’s when I had an epiphany.
So here’s my brilliant business plan, still in the working stages: affluent parents and B-list celebrities can hire me to punch their kids in the face, as a proper college graduation present.
Similar to Jennifer Lawrence, I will help these kids get out of their comfort zones and integrate into adult society. Sometimes, getting punched in the face is a healthy dose of reality. No more will they say things like “Do you know who my dad is?!” or look down upon entry level jobs or act like the world needs their social media posts.
If they’re particularly bratty and obnoxious (eg Charlie), gang beatings are available for an extra fee.
If Gen Z reality TV is any indication, I’m projecting six figure earnings by year 2, and exponential growth from there, due to the outbreak of privileged douchiness supercharged by social media.
Obviously, the parole board must approve this plan, but I’m sure they share my concerns and will applaud my entrepreneurial spirit.
Remember, a man doesn’t become a man until he has:
1. broken someone’s heart.
2. gotten his heart broken.
3. kicked someone’s ass.
4. gotten his ass kicked.
I don’t make the rules; I just observe them.
Easy Trouble 